Following Jesus so we can get . . . what?

“Prize her [wisdom] highly, and she will exalt you; she will honor you if you embrace her.”
-Proverbs 4:8

As I write this, I have been married a bit more than nine months. Hardly enough to be giving marriage advice, right? Well, since when has that stopped me?

I don’t fully understand most of what goes on in my house. Ironically, my wife tells me the same thing, and I think I’m remarkably easy to understand. But there is one thing I noticed very quickly – when I show my wife attention, she blossoms. I don’t know how else to describe it. She smiles, she laughs, she has fun, she grows. When I ignore her, her mood darkens. (This is a general rule, which doesn’t work all the time, but pretty close.)

Basically, I’m going to get out of this relationship in proportion to what I put in. I can’t ignore her and expect everything to be lovely and shiny.

Which sounds sort of like what so many preach about Christianity, right? They tell you to give more in the offering and you’ll get a raise. Obey these laws and God will like you. Say this prayer and God will be forced to listen. Ultimately, they say, give God His due, and He’ll bless you with a lot of cool stuff.

Except that’s not how I would describe my relationship with my wife. That’s not it at all. See, the words are all there. I show my wife attention and she blossoms. On the other side, give God attention and He’ll respond. The difference is, I’m not being kind to my wife to get something in return.

Here’s the truth of it – I am kind to my wife because I love her. That strengthens her, and she reacts in kind, which strengthens me.

Ephesians describes the relationship between Christ and the Church as a marriage. And every time my wife becomes stronger because of our relationships, I understand this passage better.

Christ showed His love for us by, while we were sinners and did not deserve it, dying for us on the Cross. When we recognize that love and mercy, we react to it by repenting of those sins and believing in Him. He reacts by giving us His Spirit. We react by growing in righteousness. It is a wonderful cycle of love that strengthens us.

And it all begins with Him loving us when we did not deserve it, just like most of fights in my home end when one of us acts in love rather than anger.

The temptation with this verse is to take it out of context and talk about what we have to do to get blessings. That’s not what it’s about. The verses all around it tell us to seek wisdom (that is, Christ) for the sake of wisdom. And, oh, yeah, when you seek wisdom, wisdom will respond.

There are benefits to following Christ. There are a lot of them. That’s not what it’s about. It’s about love. It’s about following someone who loves us so much that He died for us, even when we ignored Him or made fun of His followers or mocked His Word. He still died for us, though we deserved so much worse.